Written by: Heather Hunter, Director of Marketing, SYNERGIZE
It’s a Thursday evening after work, and you’re out networking. You’re standing at a little cocktail table, listening to some shmuck who’s been staring at you without blinking for the past 90 seconds rattle off his sales pitch like he’s been memorizing it for half his life.
You’re nodding, but in the back of your mind, you’re wondering if you brought enough business cards, how to get away from this guy to cash in your drink ticket, and whether you’ll have to waste half your night talking to people like him just to find the one person who can help you meet your sales quota for the month.
Sound familiar? Maybe. Sound enjoyable? Probably not.
In cases like this, networking is uncomfortable at best and aggravatingly smarmy at worst. But when it’s done effectively, networking is incredibly useful for any person in any industry. It can also be a lot of fun – if you’re in the right room with the right people.
In Synergize, we network differently because we have a different view of its purpose. Rather than making quick sales, we’re networking to build long-lasting relationships. Business is a byproduct of the friendships we create and deepen through our group, not the end goal.
Whether you’re a member of Synergize or not, anyone can network effectively if you start by putting relationships first. Here are four questions to ask that will change your networking narrative and help you find valuable connections – maybe even become that valuable connection for someone else who thinks like you.
1. Instead of “What’s my sales pitch?”, think: “What’s my story?”
Sales pitches suck because of their inauthenticity. You can get as creative as you want, but if the intent behind your speech is to sell something, that eventually becomes obvious to your listener.
As soon as someone realizes they’re a target, especially if they aren’t looking for your product – or even if they’re still in the deciding phase and need more time to shop around – they’ll become skeptical of your motives. The last thing anyone wants to do is be friends with someone who only values them as a prospect.
Next time someone asks what you do, try leading with your story. You can talk about your services, but don’t launch into selling them. Instead, talk about your passion for your role, your reason for being in your industry, or what sparked your interest in your field.
If your listener needs your services, they’ll ask for more information about them. If they don’t, they may still be interested in getting to know who you are outside of work. Just like that, you’ve started off on the right foot to build a more genuine relationship with someone new.
2. Instead of “How can I find someone’s pain point?” think: “How can I show up for people in the way they need me to tonight?”
When it’s your turn to ask questions at networking events, guide other people to lead with their stories as well. In Synergize, we’ve found 6 questions that are especially good at sparking those deeper conversations. We call them the Legacy Questions, and you can view and answer them HERE.
If you’d rather keep it light, ask about their families, their plans for the weekend, how they got started in their industries, or their favorite activities outside of work. Try to minimize the places that invite them to jump in with a sales pitch. It might feel strange at first, but it will open the door to a much more natural conversation about the other person’s life.
After a few minutes of coaxing, you may be surprised by what you learn. Maybe the financial planner who wants to help women become debt-free is a single mom whose passion comes from her own experience. Maybe the intimidating CMO is traveling this weekend to see his aging parents and needs advice for how to navigate their dementia. Maybe the shmuck from the intro paragraph was laid off from his creative job three months ago. Today, he’s trying every sales trick in the book to make ends meet for his family.
Or maybe all these people are just here to sell you something, in which case you can smile, nod, and move on to meeting people who are interested in deeper relationships. But when you find someone ready to get real with what they’re facing, it’s a chance for you to show up for them as a friend instead of a salesperson. Chances are, it’ll be their most memorable conversation of the night (and maybe yours too).
3. Instead of “How can I position myself to be the perfect new connection?”, think: “How can I present myself authentically?”
Authenticity goes both ways. If you’re trying to build real relationships, it’s essential to begin on a foundation of honesty. It might not feel logical to admit that your life isn’t perfect, or your company is struggling. But leading with a curated highlight reel keeps you from connecting with the people in a way that will last after the event ends.
While you don’t have to pour out every struggle in your life to everyone you meet, being honest about your dreams, successes, and failures creates a safe space for other people to share theirs. It also gives people permission to help you through their work, their connections, or their own experiences.
Starting out a relationship with authenticity also means that you’ll automatically attract the people who allow you to be 100% honest, 100% of the time. The friendships you have with people who relate to your true goals and mindset are the ones that will continue to bear fruit in your business and your personal life for years to come.
4. Instead of “Who can I push into my sales funnel?”, think: “Who would I like to spend time with this week?”
Would you hang out with your customers? Every single one of them, one-on-one?
We would (and we do). But we’re weird. Most people don’t absolutely love every single person who uses their service or buys their product. Trying to force a friendship with all of them would be difficult at best, and at worst, a waste of your time.
That concept goes both ways – not all your friends are going to be exemplary customers. Trying to force every person you meet into the “customer” box before learning about their situation may work for a fast, impersonal sale, but it also pushes away the people who would be your highest-quality connections for years to come.
If you’re networking to build your network – which should always be the goal – friendships take priority over sales. That means that when you find a person you don’t have to force a connection with, instead of following up with them for a chat about partnership, suggest grabbing a coffee and learning their story.
Even if they aren’t a perfect customer, as your friend, they may recommend you to someone you can impact through your business. They also may become the person you can call to jump your car at two in the morning (which, in our opinion, is even more valuable).
Final thoughts
Sales are not the enemy. Even if you’re networking for authentic relationships, there’s nothing wrong with being strategic about your connections. There’s also nothing wrong with talking about your job or the products you offer. Our members can tell you that it’s fun to do business with each other – as long as you’ve established a friendship first.
The problems we see in networking don’t stem from talking about our jobs. They stem from people starting professional relationships with the expectation of a sale as the outcome. Networking like a Synergize member means building relationships with the understanding that the sale might never happen – but that friendships with good people are worth your effort anyway.
If you never do business with someone who becomes a great friend or mentor to you, you’ve still gained something much more important than an easy close. If you’re both in Synergize, they may even help you change the world.